So I am really good at worrying about everyone else and their choices in life. Today I started to think "Why do I care so much?" And the truth is- I don't know. Maybe I think I can fix everyone, maybe I think they need to be fixed when in fact they don't. All I know is that I seem to care too much about everyone's life when I should be focusing on mine.
Take work for example. It bothers me when teachers let there kids use their phones or ipods in class. There is a strict rule that these devices are not allowed during school hours. So when I see or hear other teachers allowing it I get pissed. I don't run and tell anyone, but it really bothers me. (But see the hypocrite in me lets students eat in the classroom which is also a no-no)
Dress code too. Most teachers won't call kids out on their inappropriate attire and yet I feel like it's me vs. the entire study body, and only a few staff members have my back. It bothers me when teachers show up late and leave early. (I have done this once or twice). It bothers me when teachers don't do what is generally required of them (duties, logs, after school activates, paperwork, ect.) And yet I myself have been known to slip up too.
So why am I bothered?
I think it's because I feel like I do so much and work so hard and receive little appreciation or recognition for it.
Or maybe it's because I am a hypocrite.
Either way that needs to change.
Outside of work I find myself in the same situation.
Why should I care that they spend money all the time going out to eat, going out of town, getting coffee and yet complain about money being tight? Why should I care that she cheated on her husband and yet they are still together? Why should I care that she checks her boyfriend's email/facebook/and phone all the time and complains he doesn't trust her? Why should I care that they can't get over petty drama? Why should I care that he makes no effort to see his granddaughter or still finds ways to cheat his only daughter. Why should I care that they choose to live life unhappily when happiness is out there for them to find. Why should I care if they gave up on our friendship along time ago?
Why should I care????
I shouldn't.
And either shouldn't they.
That's the whole point isn't it?
I really shouldn't care about how you chose to live your life.
I know, I know-- listening to myself I sound crazy, but I feel like my whole life I have been let down by so many people that now I need to help fix them. But the truth is I shouldn't care and I am sorry that I did. I'm sorry I care so much about the decisions of others when it in no way affects my life.
What's to say that the things that bother me are bad for those people? Maybe those decisions are actually the best things those people can do for themselves.
Who the hell am I to judge them or you or anyone for that matter?
I know that in the long run I don't care what others think of me so why would they care what I think about their decisions.
I am happy and content (for the most part) with my decisions and my life so why should I care about the choices of other people?
I just can't believe it's taken me this long to realize how petty and judgmental I have been.
So here goes...
I am sorry for judging you all and I promise to stop.
From now on I am going to attempt to not let the choices of those around me have any affect on my mood or feelings.
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